


The Clinging Vine

by susanowa (panickyintheuk)



Series: Inconveniences Rightly Considered [3]
Category: Marvel Adventures (Comics), Marvel Adventures: Avengers, Marvel Adventures: Iron Man
Genre: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Gen, M/M, Misunderstandings, Non-Consensual Cuddling, POV Tony Stark, Pre-Slash, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7554625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panickyintheuk/pseuds/susanowa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr S sends flowers! Everything goes wrong! This summary is misleading!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Clinging Vine

**Author's Note:**

> For bingo square S3, 'Cuddle!pollen'.
> 
> This whole series takes place post-MA:IM #7 (see series notes for more details on the timeline if you want), but this fic mostly references plot points and characters introduced in issues 3 and 4. However, I HOPE that everything will make sense in context even if you're not familiar with MA:IM canon. Oh, and yeah, Steve got frozen in the fifties in the MA universe! I don't know why either?
> 
> Mind the tags! Let me know if you think I missed one!

Tony didn't usually let board meetings stretch to three hours, but he was still catching heat for Iron Man's stunt in Latveria, and Gallo had been riding his ass, and then Strauss had brought up the upcoming Hammer trial, and that was another 45 minutes down the drain. But he had time to do some power poses and then grab something for lunch before he had to go over the R&D reports, so that was a small blessing...

_*bzzzt!*_

... or not. Bambi was buzzing him. "Yeah?"

"Mavis Lash here to see you, Mr Stark. Shall I send her in?"

There was something about Bambi's tone that was making alarm bells ring in his head, but he couldn't think why. Pepper must have sent Mavis over with a message or something -- which was a little weird, but whatever. "Sure," he said.

As soon as Mavis came through the door, the alarm bells started ringing even louder. Lash wasn't exactly someone he ever would have headhunted, but she was Pepper's friend and Pepper's hire, and he trusted Pepper's judgment. She gave him cow eyes every time he walked past her desk, but she was harmless, he thought. Today something was different, though -- she looked dazed, vacant. Was she _high_? She hadn't struck him as the type, but you never could tell.

She walked up to him, slowly but with intent. "I just _had_ to thank you for the flowers, _Mr S_ ," she said seductively, and then threw her arms around him.

Tony's shoulders stiffened. "Flowers?" he said, dumbfounded, and then, "Ms Lash, would you mind letting me go?"

She didn't. He tried to shake her off, but her grip was like a vise -- he wasn't sure he could dislodge her without hurting her. He tried taking a step, and she went with him -- at least he could move. He'd buzz Bambi, and Bambi could glare her into submission.

He'd just managed to get them adjacent to the desk, and was leaning over it to the buzzer, when his office door opened.

"Bambi!" he said, relieved.

It was not Bambi.

"Oh my gosh," said Steve. "I'm so sorry, I -- I'll go, I thought -- sorry -- "

Okay, so... Steve had walked in on what looked like him leaning a secretary back over his desk. That was, wow, exactly what his day needed. "No no no," he said, then "Steve!".

It was no good. Steve was already gone, and being interrupted by Captain America didn't seem to have cooled Mavis's ardor any. At least he'd got Bambi's attention, though -- she appeared in the doorway, like a middle-aged guardian angel. "Bambi," he said, "please help."

**

Bambi had managed to relax Mavis's death grip, through a combination of coaxing and firm pulling, and then had persuaded her to stay in Tony's office by telling her very seriously that she needed to "guard the lamp". Amazingly, that had worked. Tony was a little too preoccupied to be appropriately grateful, though. He'd tugged on his hair so much it was sticking up in tufts.

"I can't believe Steve walked in on that. How could you let this happen?" he hissed.

"You said to always let Mr Rogers through, no questions asked, unless you explicitly told me otherwise!"

"You're right. That still stands, not that it's probably ever gonna come up again _now_. I'm sorry. Ugh, this is all my fault."

"And how exactly do you figure that, boss?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll think of something."

She tutted. "That's enough of that. Do I need to call Doctor Rosen? Or your mother?"

"Don't bother mamá, you know that line is only for emergencies. And no, I'm fine." He gave her a quick hug. "Sorry. Listen, Bambi, there's something fishy about this. She's acting really loopy, and she thinks I sent her flowers?"

"Not sure that says 'fishy' so much as 'crazy'. Pepper did say that one was trying to get her hooks in you."

"Yeah, but Pepper wouldn't have had me hire her if she were totally delusional. And maybe she's a gold-digger, or she has a crush, or something, but that doesn't explain _that_. Anyway, we need to figure it out ASAP, because if you're right, she needs help, and if you're wrong, we need to deal with whatever's going on."

"Gotcha. So what do you need me to do?"

"Can you go in there and get as much info out of her as you can? I feel like my presence is gonna be counter-productive. I'll stay here and call Pepper -- buzz if things get hairy, okay?"

"No problem, sir."

**

"Tony, I'm very --"

"I know you're busy, Pepper, but this concerns you and it's actually not my fault, I think, okay?"

"What's wrong?"

"Have you noticed anything weird going on in or near your office today?"

"I haven't been in yet -- I had that networking event, remember?"

"Right, of course. It's just, your assistant -- the one you had me hire, from Hammer? She came into my office and... well... there was unwanted hugging. A lot of it. And she wouldn't stop even after I asked her to. And before you say anything, I know it doesn't constitute sexual harassment and I'm not out to ruin her life. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this thing."

"Oh, God, Mavis? I knew she was flighty, but... Tony, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It was just hugging."

"'Just' nothing! It may not legally be sexual harassment, but that doesn't mean you need to shrug it off. I know how you are about people touching you unexpectedly, especially since --"

"Pepper," he said firmly, "it's fine. Let's not make a big thing of it, all right? Forget it, I'll handle it on this end."

"I can come back! It's just networking!"

"Pepper, honestly, it's not a big deal. I'll call you if I need anything else."

"All right, Tony. I'm sorry about Mavis."

"It's not your fault. I don't even think it's her fault."

"Okay, well... take care, Tony, and let me know if you need me, all right?"

"Will do." Bambi came out of his office. "Oh, gotta go -- bye, Pep." He hung up and turned to Bambi. "Anything?"

"She says a funny little man with glasses dropped off a bouquet of white roses, and she took a big sniff and they smelled _divine_ \-- her words -- and the card said they were from 'Mr S', and she just had to come and thank you in person."

Tony thought for a second. "Oh, lord. Sounds like Smithers. I thought he was doing better."

"Who?"

"Pepper and I had a run-in with him down in New Mexico. He's an amazing botanist, but unstable. Genetically modifies plants, took a liking to Pepper -- I bet those flowers were meant for her. He must have done something to them. I'm going to get in contact with Iron Man -- the suit's filtration system should allow him to go and get them without being affected, and he can start running scans. While I do that, can you make sure nobody else has been near those flowers, and then call Avengers Tower and see if Banner is available?"

"Sure thing, boss."

**

Bruce, as it turned out, was available, and more than happy to be an asset in a way that didn't call for him to smash anything. It had taken him a couple of hours -- during which time they got Mavis looked over by a doctor, and Tony made a start on his poor neglected R&D reports -- but he had managed to get some answers. "The pollen was engineered to induce a state of affection, disinhibition and suggestibility if inhaled," he informed Tony.

"So it's like some kind of floral GHB?"

"Well, sure, if you want to put it crudely."

"Thank you, I do. Any long-term effects?"

"Not as far as I can make out. It should wear off with lack of exposure, just like hay fever. There might be a bit of a hangover. You get an ID on the guy?"

"Yeah. Iron Man checked the security footage -- it was Smithers all right. We didn't press charges last time, just arranged for him to get psychiatric care, but it doesn't seem like he's getting any better. Pepper was the intended target, though, so she's going to be the one to talk to legal and decide how to handle it."

"That's rough."

"Yeah. Thanks for helping me out today."

"Any time, Tony. When we first met I never thought I'd say this, but it's nice to be valued for my intellect rather than my body for once."

"Hey, you know I've always valued both."

"I know you're terrible. You shouldn't flirt with people if you don't mean it," Bruce said significantly.

Tony frowned. "I didn't think it bothered you," he said.

"It doesn't. I'm not talking about me."

"Oh," said Tony. "No. Well. I wasn't, but, I don't think that's... happening, so. Don't worry."

"What?"

Tony squeezed his eyes shut. He'd actually been trying not to think about that. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," said Bruce easily. "Do you want a hug? I promise to let go when you ask."

Tony nodded. Bruce gave good hugs, and Tony could really do with one.

**

Tony had really meant to finish off the reports this evening, but somehow he'd been watching Key & Peele sketches on youtube for the last forty minutes instead. His eyes were beginning to blur. He should probably start wearing his computer glasses more often, if he could remember where he put them.

His phone started buzzing somewhere off to his left, and he groped for it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Tony. It's Steve."

"Steve! Oh, I'm really glad you called, I need to explain --"

"You don't. Bruce told me what happened."

"Oh. Good. Because, listen, I know I have a reputation, but what you thought you saw would have been a total abuse of power. I would never behave like that with an employee. I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but --"

"Of course I believe you!" said Steve. Ugh, Steve was too nice. "I'm real sorry I high-tailed it out of there. It wasn't that I thought the worst of you. To be honest I just felt terribly awkward."

"Yeah, me too," muttered Tony.

"I'll bet. Is the young lady all right?"

"She's fine. Mortified, but fine. She'll be okay. I've given her the day off tomorrow, and then she'll see the counselor, and then hopefully she can just move on from it. Not too many people found out, so there shouldn't be too much teasing. You'll keep it under your hat, won't you?"

"Of course! And Bruce isn't spreading it around or anything, I was just -- it happened to come up, and so he told me. And what about you, are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Anyway, what was it you needed?"

"Needed?"

"Why did you stop by?"

"Oh," said Steve. "Well, I didn't need anything. Actually I just wanted to thank you for that book you sent me, and I was thinking that I could maybe take you out to lunch to return the favor, but..."

"That would have been nice," said Tony regretfully. Much nicer than how he actually spent his lunch break. He'd ended up making do with a bag of chips from one of the vending machines, which he'd dipped into while he went over the reports. That reminded him, he hadn't eaten anything since then either. He should probably have a bagel or something before he went to sleep, so he didn't wake up in the night with stomach cramps.

"Well," said Steve. "Maybe we could... um... hey, just out of interest, before, when you said... did you... I mean... so, do you have a rule, about dating employees?"

Tony hesitated. Then he hesitated some more. "Well," he said carefully, "if I ever did do that, there would be boundaries we would have to observe. Especially in the workplace. But it's not a hard-and-fast rule. I mean, pretty much all my friends are technically... employees..." he trailed off. Boy, that was sad. Maybe he should call Doctor Rosen after this.

Operation Feel Steve Out But Don't Push It Because He's From the Fifties And Secretly Your Close Friend And Team Leader So Don't Screw Things Up Tony (or O:FSOBDPIBHFtFASYCFATLSDSTUT, for short) was getting off to a rocky start before he had even thought of a snappier name for it. Everything coming from Steve so far was encouraging, but it seemed like Tony was destined to put his foot in it at every opportunity.

Steve didn't seem to have noticed how pathetic he was, though, or at least was barreling right past it. "Oh, good!" he said brightly. "I mean, oh, that sounds like a good... policy to have. So anyway, to change the subject completely, maybe we could do lunch tomorrow, then?"

"There's nothing I'd like more," said Tony, and for once, it wasn't a line.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo dawg, I heard you don't like adverbs, so I put adverbs in all my speech tags so you can hatefully hate adverbs while you readfully read ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> The book that Tony sent Steve was a copy of 'Wait till Next Year' by Doris Kearns Goodwin. He hasn't read it and neither have I, but we both felt that it sounded like it would be up Steve's alley.
> 
> I just made a brand new sideblog for Marvel stuff (it's gonna be 90% Tony stuff, let's be honest). Come hang out with me there if you like! http://shiningredandgold.tumblr.com/


End file.
